Feeling Depressed

I don’t know why but whenever I face failure I can’t control emotions, I get startled, In any case I can’t ignore that failure. I don’t want to be rejected ever for any task at anywhere; I always want to get success in my life. Every one wants this, isn’t it?

It might not be the case with every one but whenever I face failure a sudden pop-up raise into mind reminding me all of my failures from Day one to my last failure and that depress me a lot?, I can’t think of anything except changing that failure into success, I put all full efforts in it and use all of my resources regardless caring about the importance of that (I know its bad but its my nature), even remembering my achievements doesn’t help me out. At that moment nothing can cheer me up but only I, after I change my failure into success by any means, If NOT then I dig all the minor details of my failure and then I try to overcome those for next time and cheer up. But that failure is added in my failure database.

This is not a sudden feeling, off course I am depressed at the moment. But the thing which is of concern is a friend of me to whom I have been providing every possible support can’t provide me a little support; instead he has been rude.

Expecting from Friends…

Yesterday, I was having a chat with my friend, my mood was off, so he asked the reason behind that. Following is the edited chat with him.

Me: Hey, How was your day?
Friend: Good, but I was too busy and I am tired as well.
Me: Ooh, See you then
Friend: Come on, I am not that much tired , hows you?
Me: Ooh Ok, me feeling a little off.
Friend: Why?
Me: Well, Has got multiple problems, so thinking on those.
Friend: Why, whats wrong? May I ask?
Me: Actually, I am not good at managing / understanding relations. I can’t differentiate in between friends, unable to make friend hierarchy. I treat all equally. Even, I can’t say No to strangers for any help
Friend: But whats wrong in it? helping others is good.
Me: No doubt, but the problem is, after helping them I expect from them.
Friend: Ooh, then its serious problem man.
Friend: Is this related to your blog post “My mind has been exploited?”
Me: Not Exactly, but you can say… !
Friend: hmmmmm
Me: That is why, these days I am serious and observing others. Besides having many good, high qualified, talented friends around me, feeling lonely.
Friend: Relax yaar.. I know you are emotional and soft hearted person, but don’t be that emotional. It happens.
Me: well, I have been thinking like, I am like my friends. All of my friends are extra-ordinary including you but me, I have got nothing in myself, that is why probably I feel alone even being with them.
Friend: Who says that?…Don’t even think of it. man you have lot of qualities.
Me: Well, I don’t think so…
Friend: ……… Chat going on, going on
Me: ………….. Chat going on, going on
Me: anyways leave this issue, I hope I will manage to get out of this issue soon. BTW, Tomorrow, I am leaving for Islamabad to attend NASCON 2007 at FAST Islamabad Campus.
Friend: Are you going to participate in any competition?
Me: Yes, I am going to participate in Engineering Problem Solving Competition. Hoping for the best.
Friend: Best of luck man.
Me: Thanks, Now me leaving, Tomorrow I have paper of Multimedia Communication as well.
Friend: Good luck for paper… and Yes, don’t think too much Mr.Innocent
Me: . Ok.. bye
Friend: Bye, Take very good care of yourself

Signed out and started studying, but Yet I am not done with my thoughts… still going on…. !.

My mind has been exploited…

Sometime back I was the person who used to say “Love might exists but it’s not gonna event come near to me. People just waste their time thinking about it, how can one give access of their mind to others?? , how can one invest their much time for other and how can one bear the pretences of others… ufff”

But these days I am feeling like some one has got the access code of my mind and un-willingly she is exploiting my mind with my own code. I am trying hard to restore my mind to the last working condition but I am unable to. I pass my much time thinking about her because of that I remain in tension and my mood becomes off and I am unable to do many things. Many notice this and asks are you OK? And I am like umm…..Yes.

I am not sure whether its love / merely an attraction. But I love the qualities she posses, her attitude, her manners, her behavior, her talking style, her dressing style and everything about her. I want her to be with me and pass whole time with me, I can’t see her in trouble, I don’t want her to request some one, I don’t want any one to order at her, I want her to be queen / princess who just have the command over the whole world.

Still thinking, is it love? If yes then it is going to create a lot of problems for me. God, please help me :S

I Expect A Lot…!

Ahan… I would like to mention here one thing about myself that is I always expect a lot, rather a lot a lot from my friends …. I don’t know why, may be because I always do whatever my friends say (until that doesn’t harm any one)… I do whenever they want, whatever they want, wherever they want… when I say friend, I have equal respect for him/her, I never let my friends fight, I always find out the solution to the problems… I don’t want to exaggerate but I do care about my friends, they are important in my life…!

It hurts me when my friends not do what I expect. I expect my friend would do whatever I say to him, but they don’t (sometimes they do as well), they even don’t shy while rejecting… and I OMG, Control myself and think why he/she rejected for the said task? Any reason, but I am unable to… May be It’s only me, I shouldn’t expect much from them… My Expectations are increasing with time.

God help me out….!

Ethics? Rational Behavior? Jealousy? Education? Anger?

Where is the rational behavior of the people? Ethics they seek from their parents and family? Education they earn from the institutes by paying bulky amount? What people think of themselves? How this world is going on? Does they have feeling that they can win by doing bad deeds???????? NOOOOOO, Not at all…. God exists, Don’t forget this truth.

Believe me, Truth is always dominant on Lie, It may be like you have the temporary advantage by it will cause the long term tension / disease…. All have the sense, All can determine whether you are sincere with him or not? From my personal experience I have observed that 99% people can recognize with time that what you are showing to him and what you are ( real or imaginary )….Many people ignore and doesn’t acknowledge but some does and try to realize you that you are doing wrong. So, If you are wrong, this will be told to you by your heart and if other doesn’t say wrong to you it doesn’t mean he/she cant get you, it means he is ignoring.

But is it important to have the good image in front of the bad people (in your eyes)??? is it necessary that you keep on satisfying all the people in your surroundings? what if your friend have the stupid friends and they keep on creating a wrong image in front of him?? What will you do?…. Simply ignore if the person is wrong himself, but If the person is sincere to you, don’t let him go away, just clear the bad image he have for you… IT IS NECESSARY…

Some people pass on mis-information to your loved ones in anger/jealousy, but is it rational thought? I would say its stupidity, weakness of ethics and off course human nature… Try to remain calm and silent and control your anger, be bold….

Today I become the victim of some stupids’ planning, I am sad to hear my good friend thinking that “I am selfish, Power hungry at any cost”, since he was too polite but still I was feeling guilty that my image is not clear enough in my friend’s mind that he is believing others. God Please, keep me away from selfish,stupid, jealous people… God help me.